[ ♪♪ ]
eaming)
Meteors are shooting stars.
We shouldn't be running. We should be making wishes!
- I wish for a pony. - I wish you'd take cover!
Ah!
How come your wish came true?
Should I use my meteor defence system?
You have a meteor defence system?
I have them for all sorts of junk.
Wildfires, people trying to read my thoughts.
Start with the meteor one.
"People trying to read my thoughts" is the same,
but with tinfoil trim.
- Someone left this at my house. - Yeah. The mailman.
- It's a letter. - (Sniffs) A letter, huh?
I don't know. Paper folded over itself.
What's it hiding? What's it hiding?
(Gasps)
Sticks, you've been nominated for an Awardy Award.
They need a better name for that thing.
Ooh, let me see!
- Oh, wait, I can't read. - Give me that.
"In honour of saving our village,
the mayor cordially invites you to the Awardies."
"Conveniently, you may also bring your four closest pals."
Sorry, Comedy Chimp.
(Sighs)
Now, where was I?
"The Awardies will be at the mayor's mansion."
"You'll dine on elegant food
and mingle with elegant guests."
"After which the Awardy Award will be awarded to the winner,"
- which could be you! - I can't make it.
- What? Why not? - Well, you know...
I'm slammed this week. See?
Tomorrow and Wednesday, rummage through garbage.
Thursday, get tetanus shot. Rummage through garbage.
- I'm booked solid! - It's the honour of a lifetime.
Yeah, you might even win a shiny trophy.
You love shiny things.
I do love shiny things.
But... no, no. Uh-uh.
Sticks, are you afraid to go?
Afraid? No. Of course not.
No way. Uh-uh. Nope.
- A little. - There's nothing to fear.
Look at me. I'm a feral badger. I'll embarrass myself.
- Who cares what people think? - Yeah.
Everyone at these parties is a windbag anyway.
What a robust moustache you have, Colonel Grumpkin.
Why thank you, Madam Stinkbottom.
(Laugh)
Don't worry. You'll be fine. I'll teach you to be a lady.
A lady? That's the thing that holds garbage, right?
No. A lady is a polite, sophisticated member of society.
And you can be that. Lesson one, don't discuss garbage.
- I'm out. - Come on! You can do this!
Hmm. OK, I'll try.
Great! A proper lady requires an escort for the gala.
Why do I even bother with you guys?
No.
Please? I don't wanna embarrass myself in front of fancy folk!
Ugh, fine. But I'm not wearing pants.
Thank you. Thank you!
If you want to be a lady, you'll have to train hard.
- You up for it? - Yes!
I only have one question.
Can I take this snail with me?
When meeting someone new, start with a compliment.
Try saying something nice about their perfume.
(Sniffs)
You don't stink.
And go!
This is my male consort.
If you don't like him, I'll knock you out.
No, Sticks. Ladies don't fight.
When in doubt, pinkies out.
One, two, step. One, two, turn. One, two, step.
One, two, dip.
Why is the music controlling us?
I'm not your puppet, music master.
I'm not your puppet!
Yeah, I think she's ready.
(Chamber music)
It's my pleasure to introduce the Lady Sticks and her escort,
Sir Sonic of Hedgehog.
Go ahead. You can do it. Start with a compliment.
(Sniffs) What an elegant scent.
Oh!
Finally, some chow!
Asparagus crostini? Hempseed quiche?
Goat cheese with red radicchio spread?
The hoity-toity stiffs love these tiny nibbles.
(Shocked cry)
Uh-oh. Gotta go.
Ugh! More like goat cheese in a red crud-icchio spread.
(Raucous laughter)
Dear chap, what a marvellously comical witticism.
Uh... red crud-icchio spread?
(Raucous laughter)
Sir, you have the audacity to say what we're all thinking.
- You simply must join us. - Me?
OK!
Red crud-icchio spread.
(Riotous laughter)
You seem prepared for winter.
- That's some healthy blubber! - Well, I never!
- Sticks! - What? It was a compliment.
It's not like I said she wasn't prepared for winter.
Welcome to the Awardy Awards,
where we award an Awardy Award for Award-winning service.
Tonight, one of you nominees will be awarded
your very own Awardy Award.
That's it, I'm firing my speechwriter.
Check out that ridiculous hat.
That, sir, is the official hat of the Jackalope Lodge,
of which I am president.
But upon closer inspection, it does look asinine.
(Laughter)
- What is this? - It's your pre-salad,
post-soup, mid-appetizer, post-post cocktail
tertiary thimble fork.
Excuse me. Pardon me, pardon me. Evil genius coming through.
Move it, shell-boy.
- Eggman? How did you... - Get nominated?
Let's just say I had a loyal base of... supporters.
Finally, a use for my ballot-stuffing robot!
You look familiar. Do I know you?
Start with a compliment!
You have healthy hindquarters!
Why, thank you! I just started taking spin classes.
(Slurps)
See that, Shelly? That's how a lady slurps soup from a bowl.
(Slurps)
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're ready to announce this year's winner.
And the Awardy goes to...
Leroy the Turtle!
Yes! Yahoo! Score one for Leroy!
Leroy the Turtle? That award was mine!
Something smells fishy here.
I have irritable bowl syndrome.
(Growls)
If you won't give me the award, I'll take it!
With my ballot-stuffing robot!
Stuffer Bot, stuff their ballots!
This is not quite as menacing as I'd hoped. Minions, attack!
(Screaming)
Sticks, get him!
A lady doesn't fight.
That's how I know you!
Sticks, we could really use some help!
No! Must... remain... ladylike!
That's it. I'm sick of being proper.
Time to get primal!
Yah!
Give us a pound, dear chap.
Eat garbage!
I'll be back. And next time I'll bring more ballots.
More ballots!
Leroy, you may have won the Awardy,
but I think we can all agree that, today,
I was the real hero.
Yes. But I won the award.
Gimme the shiny!
Stay cool and keep rocking that bow tie.
(Laughter)
Thanks for saving our skins, Sticks.
I guess it isn't always proper to be proper.
Just following the old instincts!
Can you teach me how to do that?
- Sure! - Argh!
Junk. (Shredder)
Evil Boot Warehouse.
Paper jam.
Orbot!
No, you imbecile, I don't want to shred this!
It's the key to our future!
- Do you know what it this is? - Robotic women
who love us for our minds and aren't into looks or money?
No. Our home, and by that I mean my home,
is going to be featured in Modern Lair Magazine!
Here. Read the exposition.
"A photographer's assistant will do a site inspection tomorrow
to consider you for our 'Island Fortress' issue!"
Let's give this lair some flair!
When you bots are done,
make sure my roller coaster is in tiptop shape.
(Smashing glass)
(Screaming)
Perfect. It's all coming together!
When the assistant arrives, he'll take one look at my lair
- and exclaim... - You call this a lair?
How dare you? Listen, you pompous little pipsqueak,
I'll crush you like a bug!
Not if you want your lair in our magazine.
You can't do this to me!
Modern Lair brings our readers a contemporary,
upbeat take on evil.
Your idea of evil is totally retro, without the irony.
Your lasers are a ridiculous shade of blue.
And please rotate that Bunsen burner 90 degrees
- before I get sick. - Give me a chance!
- I'll spruce up the place. - I'll give you a week.
I'm gonna need help
from someone with a real feel for colour and shape.
Definitely gonna have to outsource this one.
I know!
My seat cushions with floral upholstery
that complements each guest's colouring are ready.
The ice sculpture has melted enough to hide the marks...
And I dug a trench around the table
and filled it with broken glass.
I might have used rose petals, but we'll go with it.
Sonic, how are you doing on those fruit drinks?
(Snoring)
Why am I not surprised?
Tails, where's the soothing music?
Right here! But I thought it would be better
if I gave it a little boost.
Knuckles, are my grilled pheasants ready?
Not now, Amy, I'm busy.
(Falsetto) Oh, please don't cook me, Knuckles!
Today turned out a lot different than I expected!
Sticks, sometimes I don't know why I go out of my way
to make things nice for these guys.
You deserve better.
I mean, this table! It should be hanging in a museum!
(War cry)
Back, villain! Just give me the signal, and I'll clam him!
Don't let the fact that I constantly try to destroy you
lead you to believe I'm here to destroy you.
I just want to hire Amy to redo my lair.
(Laughing)
Come on, Amy, you're not buying this.
Is it so hard to believe Eggman might respect my talents?
Well, yeah. Wait, that came out wrong.
I accept.
- Don't go with Eggbreath. - You can't trust him.
- He's evil. - I can take care of myself.
Splendid! My lair awaits.
After you.
Don't look at me!
I didn't use her lovingly prepared meal as a puppet!
So, where do you want to start?
You have total creative freedom.
Make this lair so fantastic
that they'll want to put it on the cover!
And then I'll say "No"! (Evil laugh)
- Why? - Sorry.
Old habits are hard to break.
Er, it's great, but...
I'm not sure about the colour.
It just doesn't say
"contemporary, upbeat take on evil".
This colour is called
"Contemporary, Upbeat Take on Evil Blue".
Hmm. Too much plaid?
Maybe a little.
The rose petals and laser light show
add a certain regal flair, but do we really need... that?
I've never felt so free!
(Door bell)
It's him!
Hello! What a surprise!
He hates it.
I knew those unicorns were too much.
I can explain. The one to blame...
- I love it. - ...is me.
Yes, I really outdid myself, didn't I?
- What? It was my design! - Under my supervision.
- And my execution! - With my direction!
I just have one note.
A 40-hour workweek for the cherubs?
(Crash)
Danger up the entryway a little,
and, who knows, you might make the cover.
I'll be back tomorrow with the photographer.
Did you hear that? The cover!
Great. Have fun "supervising" yourself.
I'm outta here.
Ah!
- Really? - What did you expect?
I'm a supervillain!
Now, once you're finished "dangering up" the entryway,
I want to put in an evil screening room.
Cheer up. At least I appreciate you,
unlike your so-called friends.
Burned food just doesn't taste the same without Amy.
Knuckles, you're eating a napkin.
Yeah. I knew that.
- Knuckles is right. - What?
Not about the napkin-eating. About Amy.
We need to make sure she's OK.
Yeees?
We came to get Amy. Is she done yet?
Amy has decided to become my full-time decorator.
She doesn't want anything to do with her old friends.
Wow. Never thought Amy'd abandon us.
I don't think she did. Come on. Let's find a way into this lair.
(Sniffs) Eww, what is that smell?
It's us. We snuck in through a sewer pipe.
I was wondering how long it would take for you to miss me.
We may have a hard time saying it, Amy, but...
- Well, you know. - Yeah, I know.
There's no way we're going out the way we came in.
Care to do the honours?
(Slurps)
(Bang)
Sorry about the door. Oh, and I quit.
No one quits my employ unless I dismantle them first!
It's true!
After you.
I... um... You're early!
Apparently.
You're fired.
Ride the roller coaster. That always cheers me up.
Wait! Please! Forget the cover.
How about a smaller spread? A couple of pages? A page?
A snapshot buried behind some cleaning-product ads?
Would have been nice to see my designs in a magazine.
Oh, well, maybe some day.
I can't guarantee you a magazine spread,
but I do know a shack you could redecorate.
Really? I've wanted to fix that place up for years.
- Oh, Sonic, it will be amazing! - Just a few things.
My coconut-husk collection is off limits.
And no washing, painting, plastering or cleaning.
But other than that, you have total creative freedom.
( door slams )